highway blues (Posted at Monday, July 20, 2009 by dcharmed)

I have lost words to write again... thus... I am taking this entry as the end of the road to my daydream exploration. Beside, it has been more than 5 years I have been here... to be a little bit annoying and sometime, I came out to be someone who is not really myself. So... I moved. If you guys knows how to worship the magical of Google... you guys might know where to find me. yeahh, i have lots of blogs. So adios!

pissed off (Posted at Monday, July 13, 2009 by dcharmed)

I never thought of renovating own house could be so hard to handle especially when you had an intolerable neighbour to work with. Even we have personally spoke to his wife about the consequences of renovation, and politely asked them to re-arrange their things to the other side of their house, to avoid the dirt and dust… but I guess they’re having a problem to communicate with each other.

Ade ke patut they drawn a summon against us because of pokok-pokok bunga diorang full with dirt. Which is more likely a dust… and I believe it can be simply cleaned with a splash of water. But no… they went to MPN and made a report.

Pak cik, rumah kita sebelah jek, u can just ring the bell… or kalau nak lagi afdhal, bagi jek salam… and we can came out with another solution. Padahal, our contractor has covered our renovation area with canvas… and yes, we are concern about neighbour’s comfort form the beginning of the renovation process… but they? Seem to be dumber than ever!

After that so-called short discussion with mom and our contractor, that arrogant neighbour dah macam malu nak terserempak dengan we all. Good! Aku pun tak hingin nak tengok muka keling kau tu!

So nak tak nak, we will not plastering on the other side of the wall (which is on the neighbor side)… so it would looks messy and so unfinished! But who cares… it is on their side! Sapa suruh kau cari pasal dengan kitorang… kalau tak dua-dua rumah jadi lawa!

MANGKUK!

butterflies in stomach, highway blues (Posted at Tuesday, July 07, 2009 by dcharmed)

 

There were so many things in my head that I wanted to have, 3 years in future.

But all I have to do is to keep waiting… and keep hoping!

 

pissed off, the office (Posted at Tuesday, July 07, 2009 by dcharmed)

I am not sure whats got into me today... I feel like I wanted to stab somebody's heart! Or is this a normal feeling of a lonely girl who is scared enough to enter the middle age year.

Many days I have been here... in a land where more and more hypocrites invented and hates occur. I make friends... and find it is easier to get more enemies in the end. I shared stories and interest... and left critisized and humiliated. Those malicious and virus now not only spread via internet and computers... it has been a common illness that less possible to be cured.

Through my undecideable life, I met many intelligents and attractive people, an expert from different background and skills. Who mastered those codes and tricks... who have made to the level of IT JEDI... They type the bits and bytes... and manage to solve the errors. I must say, who won't ever worship those excellent works and effort... especially when they are actually among of your closest friends.

But then, what's wrong with those excellent guys who prefer to laugh out loud over the failure of this one particular person. Torturing him/her for the numerous of false tries... and pointing out their mistakes...

kesian kan???

Coming back to my reality life... life is full of hates and lies!

misc, reminiscing, the office (Posted at Thursday, June 25, 2009 by dcharmed)

Why can't I stop browsing Facebook??? I've been such an addict!

It has been a never ending routine for an IT geek whenever they got their hands on computer. I will click on the first bookmark on my gChrome… Facebook. Then goes to my gMail, twitter and iLike… that will the first must browse websites. My first attempt to FB was because of accepting an invitation by my sis. From the Lil Green to Mob Wars… then goes to Vampires, movies, favorites TvShow… and now I am so addicted playing TextTwist and Bejewled!

Today, I got a surprised from a long lost friend… I met Aminah, my bestfriend when I was in the secondary school in FB. I have first approached her on FB when I found her profile by searching "Aminah Sakip"… (goshh I remember her full name!), then she prompted with such an exciting message. She is married!

I wish I can get in touch with the rest of my friends… and yeah… that is the right way of having connected to an online community. You find your friends… and get more friends.

At work, I'm a bit concern on the hits of our staff browsing FB while working. The list goes up to 30 users online for the whole day… how can we control the addiction? You drop a message to friend, "like" theirs status, supporting their activities… comment the photos… yes you may do that in order to respond your friends… but answering stupid quizzes? Torturing your single friends with the pleasure of being married on your status and keep posting it everyday…? Selling out yourself to public by updating your busy schedule and agenda to be promoted? Posting numbers ( I mean A LOT) of "same-and-lame-self-camera-phone-pose" to your profile? Ohhh that is a no no no…

It is time to take some rest… at least… not within 8 hours of cracking the brains out in office. Come on…

inspired, wishlist (Posted at Sunday, June 21, 2009 by dcharmed)

keep thinking about this house! I really want this house! this is my dream house! please please.. please let this dream be real!

pissed off, the office, trauma (Posted at Thursday, June 18, 2009 by dcharmed)

Women are found to be extremely sensitive. Especially on beauty/weight and emotion… crush/loves and what so ever that could affect their heart easily broken. Women hate to be compared… and yes, they didn't like to be humiliated in front of the crowd.

The pain I am having now is still with the lack of my confidence to come forward with the appearance of this scar on my face. Remember when I have crying out loud about the false facial treatment weeks ago… seems like I need longer time till the scar completely healed. And what's hurt me the most, when people have already realized about it keep on torturing me with mean words and asking the same fucking question! I don't need to answer the how and why for so many time! And yes… I don't like the way you laugh yourself out loud after such provocation.

Urghhh… yes. I am sensitive okay! So pardon me!

Can't you hear? I don't like you .. so get Lost!!!

dear jeed, love bites, reminiscing (Posted at Tuesday, June 09, 2009 by dcharmed)

It is not easy to sell a story about someone. Contents might not be well presented and cause the reader to understand what’s been said in many ways around. Even if I put lots of credits, perhaps they could find how I am embracing their life much more that what I am having now. And for some reason, they just didn’t have much time to read it.

I remembered 4 years ago… the time when I was quite dumb and immature. I have sharing my thought in public. So eager to write about my everyday routine and showing off about what I like or loathe.  Including writing about secret admirer… no, I never get any credits for the writing (which is that wasn’t what I be likely to have)… but HE disapproved my thought. The blog which supposed to be restricted to public… and I have shared most about my secret admirer with my fellow friends.Yes, of cos… I was totally mortified, knowing the fact that I might be failed for this second try. Most of all… I try to comprehend the fact that my secret admirer might not concerned to extend our connection… no no.. not really a connection, more to like social network? Yes, I was slowly backing off then…

But I couldn’t help it.

Years gone by… I am still writing about him, but not quite many. It is more like writing something to let him know how much I care… or thanking him for all the concern. I was wondering, if he still has a time to read all these craps, and I am not blaming him if he missed several of entries. His interests are beyond my thought. Though he seems to be weird and full of mystery & that is how I have challenged myself to be close to him, making my way to conquer his thought… more likely to win his mind.

Yes I do miss those times when we never stop communicating by emails. We could talk almost about everything. Conversation on phone has taking long hours than ever, and it is hard for us to just hang up. Ym log fulls with our conversation and when his name appeared in a square window… it is like the blistering buzz I longing for since I first get online. How cool virtual world can be huh?!

Maybe it is because of the secret admirer not really a secret now. And we already learned so much about each other. I try to pay no heed to all negatives possibility he might had towards me, I believe he never thought of that even once. Me, just being such a pusher most of the time, and maybe my higher expectation towards everything had made him lost. Then, he kept himself in silence, and giving remarks which hard for me to elaborate.

Secret admire now is the man of my life. I never thought virtual world could pay so damn fair profit to me after long time of shaking my head out try to embrace the beauty of www. Yes I found him somewhere behind that kurt cobain’s face.

No matter what… I won’t stop talking about this man. I don’t care if he ever read it or not. Yes I want to sell good story about him, so he will not feel disturbed / anxious to read a story that acknowledged so much about himself.

reminiscing, the office (Posted at Friday, June 05, 2009 by dcharmed)

Paint your house with light colours.

Many find, it is hard to find someone who can worship the friendship. There will always be something is not right somewhere… and you begin to hate all those promises. Sometime, you became bore and started avoiding them. I don’t pretty sure how exactly we can have a tenable friendship… nonetheless… I believe what I have right now, might be a reason why I kept our pledge since we first met years ago.

This time, I am selling something different. It is about how I am enjoying every minutes spent during 9 hours of working.

My first attempt to be in a government sector did not give a big trauma. Well, maybe in the first couple of months, but then I have slowly knowing them yet still being myself. Everything I have first imagined that could make my life could so much in despair and dull… is totally in a way around. I have a blast! (Okay… not including the bossy boss and numbers of jerks / so-called stupid blonde I met!). Even I have to spend more hours in office and stuck with un-finished jobs every day, early in the morning / by lunch / by evening, I will have a short break with the guys, and laugh out loud over stupid jokes or “omong kosong”. No matter how many times we talk on the same issues… we still enjoying it and laugh!... that’s the reason why I don’t feel sick / tired …

Who say that only private sector could exercise how google people works… hey, we had almost the same agenda as what they have practiced, even better. At least, I don’t need to be working with my grumpy face and “kecut perut”… I don’t need to be compared with someone else…

Chemistry, yes, it is because the chemistry. Each and everyone excel in different fields; still, we never criticize others weaknesses, or try being as a “one-man-show” or leaving others when someone is hardly crying under the table. We are good in sharing ideas and torturing others for good (okay that is me!)… And that is the only way; how we grow and manage to move forwards… yeup… we could be the front liner towards nation growth… in future! (makkk aiihh… giler governmental ni!).

I have guys who are backing me up for any failure even for my false facial treatment?. Yes I have sisters who help me go through pages of documents to make sure I calculate the right numbers and spell correct words. I have an un-official PA who checks my MEMO, reminds date and even be my work out partner every Friday. I have lots of friends… who know my name even when I have unintentionally forgot theirs.

Anyway… where ever I go, I will never confess, I like my boss. I don’t hate and neither do I want to make them feeling bad… but it is me. I will never like bosses!

Yes I know… some of the guys might be having the same thought. They don’t like me either.  That is why… some of them are planning to move out!

HUH!

butterflies in stomach, reminiscing, the office (Posted at Thursday, June 04, 2009 by dcharmed)

I could sense something, something isn’t right. Something seems to be misled. Something is not right… it’s beyond my thought. Something … something missing.

It’s been 20 days of non-hectic hours, no papers to submit and surprisingly I am getting less and less e-mails nowadays. I almost didn’t get any within 6 hours. No… still I didn’t get a chance to cross my leg onto tables; flickering a cigar over rock and hard music… No I don’t have much time twisting text till I score a higher level. No I don’t have much time to write a long story about my last journey, or even to type an e-mail to my dude.

Some of my friends keep telling me, I should be more serious in writing and get something in return. Publish a book…? Talking about what? CRAPS? Yes realizing I have exposed my “thought” to public recently by posting notes on facebook. Some of the readers don’t even realize that I was actually selling stories about him/her. My attention is to let out everything left unspoken. Some sort like giving me another chance to try… yes in the same time expressing myself towards a person. Love / hate / admire … etc.

Its almost 5 days now… this pain isn’t seem to make well. I sit and stand in a very strange position. I cannot hold the burden in my head… many days I force myself to sleep, hoping that it will be better by the time I woke up, yet, I am fighting again; something is not right somewhere in my head… or my back.

Result of CT scan I got 4 years ago shown that there is no symptom of damages in my brain / head… so I am pretty much sure, it is still in a good condition up till now. The last time I have a nose bleed was last 3 month. Oh please… I don’t think it won’t be that bad than a common migraine like everyone have had. I know, spending much time on computer is one of the reasons why this piece of cranium has always get tired. But I have no choice, it is so hard to avoid an excel technology.

Oh man, what am I still doing here? I should be in bed by now!

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